Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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