just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
