my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
