Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
