some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize
