Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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