thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
