Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
