I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
