She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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