Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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