he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize