you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
