fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
