You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
did i walk over a car last night?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
