We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
