Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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