So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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