we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Randomize
