I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
