Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i used baking grease as lip gloss
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
