her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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