Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
