gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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