you guys were way drunker than both of me
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
