So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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