i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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