She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
