I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Randomize
