maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
