Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
