i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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