hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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