I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
