she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he laminated a picture of his dick.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
