Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
