how can u be prego again
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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