just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
