We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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