I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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