He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
