hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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