Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
