R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
