I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
