i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
