I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize