my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
