I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
