maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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