he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
