Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
