I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize