i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Randomize
