Nicole vs. Life
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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