When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
