yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
