I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Randomize
