You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
