your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
