no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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