Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
