i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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