my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
