4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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