Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Randomize
