so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize