We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize