.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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