peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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