Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
