She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
It's Friday. Sex?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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