she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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