Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
