wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
