You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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