I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
