perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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