Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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