You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Randomize
