Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize