Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
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