who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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